These random ramblings and author musings are designed to entertain, though they might drag you kicking and screaming through my daft indie publishing journey. If you are somehow inadvertently informed, or if you have discovered something useful within, well then . . . count that as a jolly coincidence. Thanks for reading! (header background - Sky_18 Free Texture #133 by Brenda Starr)

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Indie shout out: Author Lucy Pireel (previous winner of my mock cyber-puppy) has a new erotic novella out, Bound, available at Smashwords, and for Amazon Kindle. Go, read, enjoy! 


Word of the week: tenacious \tə-ˈnā-shəs\ (hear it!) - adjective - 1 a : not easily pulled apart : cohesive, b : tending to adhere or cling especially to another substance; 2 a : persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired - (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Hungry? Come Devour a Choco-Chip Novel Franken-Cookie!

When is writing a novel like baking chocolate chip cookies?

No, it's not a riddle. Unless you like riddles.

Chocolate chip cookies
Arr! Pile of pirate-y cookies! 

Writing a novel is exactly like baking chocolate chip cookies. Really. Not oatmeal—too oat-y; not sugar—too sugary; not shortbread—too short (that's really reserved for stories with fewer than five thousand words because the “baking” process is much different); and absolutely not gingerbread—too gingery and crumby (read: crummy).



No. It has to be chocolate chip. Why? Because they're yummy. And so, too, should a novel be—yummy. How can they compare? With much twisting and fitting, I assure you, like cramming a porcupine into a tuxedo.

According to allrecipes.com, to bake the “best” chocolate chip cookies you would need:

butter
white sugar
brown sugar
eggs
vanilla extract
flour
baking soda
hot water
salt
semi-sweet chocolate chips

. . . plus all of those extra things you won't necessarily eat:

oven
baking sheet
mixing spoon and bowl
humans, after they've been baked (the cookies, not the humans)

By happy coincidence—Hey!—novels also contain a wonderful mishmash of stuff:

narrative
protagonist
antagonist
secondary characters
description
plot
sub-plots
scenes
dialogue
theme

. . . again, plus all of those extra things you'd need:

brain
computer
keyboard
readers, to devour afterwards (the novel, not the readers)


So, let's first match up the elements:

butter = narrative
white sugar = protagonist
brown sugar = antagonist
eggs = secondary characters
vanilla extract = description
flour = sub-plots
baking soda = plot
hot water = scenes
salt = dialogue
semi-sweet chocolate chips = theme

oven = brain
baking sheet = computer
mixing spoon and bowl = keyboard
humans = readers

. . . then, with a bit of copy/paste magic (*poof* mad libs style) we'll insert all of the novel elements into the directions for an actual chocolate chip cookie recipe, and let's see what comes out! 

Directions

Preheat brain to 350 double-spaced pages (175 single-spaced)

Cream together narrative, protagonist, and antagonist until smooth. Beat in the secondary characters one at a time, then stir in the description. Dissolve plot into scenes. Add to novel along with dialogue. Stir in sub-plots and theme. Drop by keyboards into well-prepared computer.

Bake for about 10 years, or until novel is nicely browned along the edges.

Cool, and serve to readers.

Enjoy!

See? Writing a novel is exactly like baking chocolate chip cookies, and much like cramming a porcupine into a tuxedo, it'll be one of the bravest (or craziest) things a tenacious writer will ever attempt.

* * *
Photo credit: chocolate-dessert-recipes.com

11 comments:

  1. Great post and fantastic way to describe how to bake a novel. Hahaha, I mean write cookies. Shoot! You know what I mean. :-)
    And of course mucho thanks for the shout out!

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome. Yeah, cookies. Well, they'd asked for it. :P Lol!

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  2. Very cute and creative too. I can't get too creative with chocolate chip cookies and prefer baking cakes which is more like my novel. Sweet, fattening and loaded with layers of sugar. LOL

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    Replies
    1. Lol! Cakes are great, too, actually. Ooo! Which gives me an idea. Hmm . . . *creative gears start turning*

      Thank you for the compliment, and for stopping by! *waves* Very much appreciated. :)

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  3. Haha, amazing! Oh sweet and sugary story -- if I mistakenly start licking my pages later, I am blaming you :)

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  4. Saran wrap is tenacious if your trying to wrap cookies. I like to read(eat) my cookies a few at a time. Wrap them up,put away and take out again to devour. That way I can savor the taste(book)at my own pace.Anyways,great entry,Kim. Love ya, Your Sis

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    Replies
    1. Yay! Thank you. And yes, saran wrap is definitely tenacious. And annoying. :p Lol!

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  5. Very good analogy, Kimberly.

    So humans can't be baked? But what will Doctor Lecter eat?

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    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha! Oh, um . . . hmm. . . . *muses* :D

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  6. LOL - What a yummy comparison! I'll never think of baking the same way again.

    ReplyDelete