ALL A-QUIVER: WALKING THE STRAIGHT ’N ARROW

Indie shout out: Author Lucy Pireel (previous winner of my mock cyber-puppy) has a new erotic novella out, Bound, available at Smashwords, and for Amazon Kindle. Go, read, enjoy! 

Word of the week: tenacious \tə-ˈnā-shəs\ (hear it!) - adjective - 1 a : not easily pulled apart : cohesive, b : tending to adhere or cling especially to another substance; 2 a : persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired - (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Hungry? Come Devour a Choco-Chip Novel Franken-Cookie!

When is writing a novel like baking chocolate chip cookies?

No, it's not a riddle. Unless you like riddles.

Arr! Pile of pirate-y cookies!

 

Writing a novel is exactly like baking chocolate chip cookies. Really. Not oatmeal—too oat-y; not sugar—too sugary; not shortbread—too short (that's really reserved for stories with fewer than five thousand words because the “baking” process is much different); and absolutely not gingerbread—too gingery and crumby (read: crummy).

No. It has to be chocolate chip. Why? Because they're yummy. And so, too, should a novel be—yummy. How can they compare? With much twisting and fitting, I assure you, like cramming a porcupine into a tuxedo.

According to allrecipes.com, to bake the “best” chocolate chip cookies you would need:

butter

white sugar

brown sugar

eggs

vanilla extract

flour

baking soda

hot water

salt

semi-sweet chocolate chips

. . . plus all of those extra things you won't necessarily eat:

oven

baking sheet

mixing spoon and bowl

humans, after they've been baked (the cookies, not the humans)

By happy coincidence—Hey!—novels also contain a wonderful mishmash of stuff:

narrative

protagonist

antagonist

secondary characters

description

plot

sub-plots

scenes

dialogue

theme

. . . again, plus all of those extra things you'd need:

brain

computer

keyboard

readers, to devour afterwards (the novel, not the readers)

So, let's first match up the elements:

butter = narrative

white sugar = protagonist

brown sugar = antagonist

eggs = secondary characters

vanilla extract = description

flour = sub-plots

baking soda = plot

hot water = scenes

salt = dialogue

semi-sweet chocolate chips = theme

oven = brain

baking sheet = computer

mixing spoon and bowl = keyboard

humans = readers

. . . then, with a bit of copy/paste magic (*poof* mad libs style) we'll insert all of the novel elements into the directions for an actual chocolate chip cookie recipe, and let's see what comes out! 

Directions

Preheat brain to 350 double-spaced pages (175 single-spaced)

Cream together narrative, protagonist, and antagonist until smooth. Beat in the secondary characters one at a time, then stir in the description. Dissolve plot into scenes. Add to novel along with dialogue. Stir in sub-plots and theme. Drop by keyboards into well-prepared computer.

Bake for about 10 years, or until novel is nicely browned along the edges.

Cool, and serve to readers.

Enjoy!

See? Writing a novel is exactly like baking chocolate chip cookies, and much like cramming a porcupine into a tuxedo, it'll be one of the bravest (or craziest) things a tenacious writer will ever attempt.

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Photo credit: chocolate-dessert-recipes.com

http://www.chocolate-dessert-recipes.com/